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Jul. 4th, 2012 07:59 pmMaybe I don't like to rest because since I already have this fear that I'm not good enough, I feel like if I do /less/, then I will never catch up.
Today felt horrible. Eventually I realized that okay, yes, heartache, but the only person still holding the dagger to my heart is myself.
Calm. Breathe. When the panic and heartache comes, even though it feels like it might become unbearable, just let it come. Pause. Just experience it. Abide it. Relax and feel it and let it be. Without pushing it away. Without judgment or self-blame. And think of the star in the sky, the flowing river.
Oh. This is probably what people mean when they say to be gentle with yourself. Which has always sounded really stupid to me, frankly. And anyway, I feel like I don't deserve gentleness. But, at this moment, I might understand what they mean. "It doesn't help at all to feel guilty about where we find ourselves." Self-blame. Insight is necessary. Self-blame is unhelpful.
Saturday I think is a day off, which will be good.
( Quotes & such... )
Today felt horrible. Eventually I realized that okay, yes, heartache, but the only person still holding the dagger to my heart is myself.
Calm. Breathe. When the panic and heartache comes, even though it feels like it might become unbearable, just let it come. Pause. Just experience it. Abide it. Relax and feel it and let it be. Without pushing it away. Without judgment or self-blame. And think of the star in the sky, the flowing river.
Oh. This is probably what people mean when they say to be gentle with yourself. Which has always sounded really stupid to me, frankly. And anyway, I feel like I don't deserve gentleness. But, at this moment, I might understand what they mean. "It doesn't help at all to feel guilty about where we find ourselves." Self-blame. Insight is necessary. Self-blame is unhelpful.
Saturday I think is a day off, which will be good.
( Quotes & such... )
