the day-blind stars: all still there, waiting.

" (I)f you've practiced directing your attention through meditation or training the mind in some other way that works for you, you will likely be more capable of redirecting your focus to something you'd prefer to be thinking about. And the more skilled you are at that, the better you'll be at holding your gaze on those things or bringing it back when it strays, which it will. If you're someone who has the tendency to obsess, worry, or otherwise get carried away by the incessant fluctuations of the mind, the capacity to do this is life altering. "

" Letting go doesn't happen on demand. That's because willpower is not a medicine and it does not heal wounds. "



Idea - using this book for book divining.
Also, check out - Queen of Wands; Nine of Pentacles, Two of Swords, &etc

These notes are from 'Tarot for Change: Using the Cards for Self-Care, Acceptance, and Growth'

Her beauty is ancient,
Her wisdom, of old,
Her wealth, unmeasured
in silver and gold.

Her smile is a diamond,
a light from above
that fills those who know her
with joy and with love.

Her eyes seem all-knowing, 
a gleam in the sun.
They sparkle with knowledge,
They glitter with fun.

They peer through the shadows 
'Til all becomes clear, 
and the truth is revealed 
at the end of all fear.

She dances through forests
upon leaves of gold.
She dances with snowflakes 
through wind and through cold.

She dances through flowers
on rich fertile ground.
In sunshine, in warmth, 
She dances around.

The night-time holds secrets
But so does the day
She knows there are mysteries.
She won't turn away.

So ever she searches,
Ever to find
Herself in the heavens
And the truth of all time.

-Suzie Brucker Heiney

...the blue of the sky falls over me

like silk, the flowers burn, and I want
to live my life all over again, to begin again, 

to be utterly
wild.

(from 'A Meeting' in American Primitive)
=========== 

MAY

May, and among the miles of leafing, 
blossoms storm out of the darkness --
windflowers and moccasin flowers. The bees
dive into them and I too, to gather
their spiritual honey. Mute and meek, yet theirs 
is the deepest certainty that this existence too --
this sense of well-being, the flourishing
of the physical body -- rides 
near the hub of the miracle that everything
is a part of, is as good
as a poem or a prayer, can also make
luminous any dark place on earth.

=========== 

 "The Green Man is a symbol of rebirth in nature, and (...) the rebirth of the soul. (...) Like forests and grasslands, people can suffer fire and drought. They forget why they're here, what they really love, what's important to them. The Green Man says that everything regrows, that it's never too late to figure out who you are and why, and do something about it." 

-- Emma Bull, in The Green Man: Tales from the Mythic Forest

 "M was fortunate because he saw everything as if it were a fortuitous bounty."


This book and especially the character of Marx touched me deeply. These crazy bright young people were born into the world at the same time I was, give or take only a year or two. Openheartedness and love and getting back up when things are awful. Every day is a new day. 

Kant -- "There's possible, and then there's ... what's beyond possible."

"The lines converged. Not by accident, not by physics, but by--intent. Will. Care. Love."

"Sarah loved her. Loved June. Loved Ramon, and Ish. And she'd loved Sal. All those wonderful kids. Even herself." 

"Trust yourself. What other choice do you have?" 

TONS of great stuff here, and this passage is just so good. Worth reading the whole book though. Highly recommend.
===

Patience

The next paramita is patience, which is greatly misunderstood. The colloquial expression is that patience is a virtue, and virtue is grace. But patience is not necessarily a virtue, and patience doesn't particularly belong to the category of virtue or goodness. Patience actually belongs to the category of what is absolute and true, rather than the category of virtue, or grace -- whatever that may be.  

It's truth we're talking about when we talk about patience. The truth seems like a very big topic, and everybody becomes very serious as soon as we begin to discuss it. Nobody will smile. But truth from this point of view is reality, reality that can be worked with, reality that is experiential, and reality that does not need any reinforcement. Absolute reality stands on its own, and likewise patience stands on its own. 

You don't have to be patient just because you've been taught to be patient, or you feel it would be good to have patience. (...) Patience here is very direct and very definite. It's no a question of trying to be good, or trying to be virtuous, but patience according to (Buddhism) is nonaggression. Nonaggression is the patience. 

When we talk about aggression here, we are not talking about losing your temper and suddenly blowing up. Rather we are talking about aggression in the sense of a constant flow of experience in your life, which contains constant little flickers of aggression here and there. We don't like certain things that are presented, or certain things we experience, yet we get caught up in that. Nobody told us to do this, but we do it. And we have /opinions/ of ourselves, certain expectations of ourselves, and if those expectations are not met -- if our hot tea is cold and if our iced tea is hot -- we get made. If we are bold enough we ask to speak to the manager. That is aggression. 

I'm not saying that our iced tea should be hot or that our hot tea should be cold. I think you are intelligent enough not to take this too literally. However, there is continual aggression that takes place based on expectations. And expectations are basically aggressive. We expect something. We want to get something out of it. That's not very generous, and it's not open. There's a sense of aggression all the time. 

Basically we're very sensitive, even if we regard ourselves as tough. We are softened by our ego when we meet little irritations here and there. When we expect something to go smoothly, and it doesn't, we are devastated. Before we get something we want, we begin to shape ourselves. We do this constantly. If we want an espresso, for example, between the time we order it from the waiter and when we get it, we soften ourselves. We shape ourselves into "an espresso coffee drinker." We /become/ that way. We give in, we are softened, and if we don't get what we expected, if something is the slightest bit wrong with our espresso, we attack. 

This process extends in great detail to all kinds of things: we push a button, we shape ourselves, and make ourselves soft very aggressively, expecting we are going to get something out of it. When we don't, we have already worked out our plan of attack, our demands. That is nondiscipline and nonpatience. The highest form of patience is nonaggression, nonexpectation. Patience does not contain expectation. 

That doesn't mean that one has to become a robot, or a stone wall. We have some sense of intelligence and openness, as well as a sense of continuity. Our whole life is based on patience, not expecting anything, while being prepared for everything. 
===


!!!

Real sounds -- the gentle calm after it stops raining, soothing silence, the smell of damp sweet grass in the air. No radios or tvs running interference between our feelings and the world.  

Prayer is medicine, laughter is medicine, family is medicine, as is any person, place, or thing that reminds you of the sacredness of life and power of love. 

From How To Be A Person In The World

"I will not lose myself. ... I contain worlds ... I am doing my best to build a better world around me. I like pretty things but not the materialism that sometimes comes with them. I will resist this crack-infused world and do my best to make things that matter to me. I will not lose myself. " 

(are you good? are you lovable? are you enough?) 
You are here. Sit down. Feel your potential in this moment. You have accepted too little for too long. That is changing today. Breathe in. Draw a picture of yourself. Tape it to the wall, with the words "YOU ARE HERE". You are here. Cherish yourself. 

But because these (other) people have it a little easier than us, because they're not moving through molasses every few days, because they don' overthink things or feel crazy emotions they never intended to feel, because they can keep the world at arm's length and suspend their disbelief and run with the pack and be team players and all of the other stuff that our dim-witted, reductive culture demands, WE GET TO CALL OURSELVES ARTISTS.
I used to hate the world "artist" and hate anyone who had the supreme gall to call herself one. (...) I like calling myself an artist now for the same reasons I hated it before. (...) Some of us have no choice but to give ourselves a lot of space. When things get blurry and people are unkind to us, we have to stop and dwell in that blurry space. We have to experience the full brunt of an insult-- we have to swallow the bitterest pill, the sharpest words, ingest and metabolize these things until we're weak and wan-- in order to be strong. We have to welcome our clingiest, ugliest monster self into th room and love that sad, ugly monster dearly in order to one day be beautiful and generous and resilient. Yes, it sounds selfish, but it's also a route to being less selfish. Trust that. 

From 'Foreverland' -- 

Pessimism sprouts from dread, telling you that whatever comes next, it won't be good, or sweet, or relaxing. (...)
You banish dread by announcing: Whatever comes next, I will welcome it with an open heart. 



===

Is your heart wide open? Are you loved? Can you stand still and feel it? 

===

 "You must know I have no magic, not really."