art

I have some issues surrounding art.

When I was younger, art was a huge part of my life. It consumed my life, really. Theater, dance, singing, piano, poetry, drawing, painting... so much art, both visual and performance.

At some point, I guess I realized I wouldn't become a famous <type of artist>.  Since then, I definitely have a feeling that it's not "worth it" to do any of these things unless I'm going to be ... acknowledged, recognized, loved, known, admired, earning money, the Best.

This feels especially true for performance art, such as singing. It seems like there's no point to singing if there's not an audience. And I'll never be as good as _____.

Intellectually, I know that doing art even just for myself can be enjoyable and helpful and and and.  It doesn't feel that way, though; it feels useless.  It feels like how scrapbooking would likely feel to a "real" artist.

And there are so many half-formed dreams there that really aren't going to happen.  Here I am, in a truly wonderful life that does not include Broadway, for example.  So on top of everything else, it hurts the little girl in me to have to admit that yes, doors really are closed. 

And which one thing would I even focus on, anyway?