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Dec. 4th, 2013 09:03 am(ok since i let my lj lapse, i guess I lost userpics including the one that had become my default, so eventually I'll fix that.)
When I get looped on the cycle of ruminating thoughts, I can feel myself turn inward & become consumed by fear. But. The ruminating thoughts may not be true. If true, they are not helpful to me. And they are not kind to me. They do not need to be "worked out" or resolved, there is no working them out, that's why they're ruminating thoughts.
I can let them go. Deep breaths, and actions, and remembering that I am a person, as much as any other person.
Distorted thoughts:
It helps to write these down, because the distortions are more clear when I can look at them plainly.
* when I feel anxiety, I don't deserve to interact with others
* when I feel anxiety, interacting with others will go really badly
* I have certain interactions I need to prompt, and if I don't prompt them then I'm a bad person
When I write it down, I can see that anxiety creates a lose-lose, self-fulfilling cycle. So, that was yesterday. For today:
* It's ok for me to interact with people even if I'm feeling anxious
* Interacting with people when I'm anxious won't mean the end of the world.
* Anxiety is going to happen. It doesn't make me a bad person.
* Anyone can contact anyone.
* Maybe other people feel anxious too.
* People who like me, it's ok if I'm not super-bubbly or something at a given moment, they don't expect me to always be only one certain way.
* My heart is open.
It's so weird untangling these thoughts. They are really looped up in the tangle of my mind, and seeing them written down in the light of day, well, haha, I am well aware it's the type of thing that most people do not write down. But I think there can be value in openness. I'm leaving it here in the open in case it's interesting to others.
Edited to add: Okay, I just realized that initial /cause/ of the anxiety is, in fact, none of the things listed above, it's the $workissue. So it will help me to not let the feeling of anxiety bleed over into a bunch of other stuff, and also I really need to make progress on $workissue.
When I get looped on the cycle of ruminating thoughts, I can feel myself turn inward & become consumed by fear. But. The ruminating thoughts may not be true. If true, they are not helpful to me. And they are not kind to me. They do not need to be "worked out" or resolved, there is no working them out, that's why they're ruminating thoughts.
I can let them go. Deep breaths, and actions, and remembering that I am a person, as much as any other person.
Distorted thoughts:
It helps to write these down, because the distortions are more clear when I can look at them plainly.
* when I feel anxiety, interacting with others will go really badly
* I have certain interactions I need to prompt, and if I don't prompt them then I'm a bad person
When I write it down, I can see that anxiety creates a lose-lose, self-fulfilling cycle. So, that was yesterday. For today:
* It's ok for me to interact with people even if I'm feeling anxious
* Interacting with people when I'm anxious won't mean the end of the world.
* Anxiety is going to happen. It doesn't make me a bad person.
* Anyone can contact anyone.
* Maybe other people feel anxious too.
* People who like me, it's ok if I'm not super-bubbly or something at a given moment, they don't expect me to always be only one certain way.
* My heart is open.
It's so weird untangling these thoughts. They are really looped up in the tangle of my mind, and seeing them written down in the light of day, well, haha, I am well aware it's the type of thing that most people do not write down. But I think there can be value in openness. I'm leaving it here in the open in case it's interesting to others.
Edited to add: Okay, I just realized that initial /cause/ of the anxiety is, in fact, none of the things listed above, it's the $workissue. So it will help me to not let the feeling of anxiety bleed over into a bunch of other stuff, and also I really need to make progress on $workissue.
