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"I pondered my own experiences of meditation (...) By looking into my own emptiness, I had paradoxically discovered more of my own voice. What I had learned (...) was that I did not have to know myself analytically as much as I had to tolerate not knowing."

"We are afraid to venture into the unknown becasue to do so would remind us of how unsafe we once felt. ... Meditation gave me the faih that there were other techniques of self-exploration than the analysis of my thinking mind."

create a situation of nonjudgmental awareness, to be able to look directly at aloneness / emptiness / dropping the ego/ dropping the compensatory mind -- while not being overwhelmed by fear of the disconnections of the past.

(in a flow activity) "I had permitted myself to simply be, without worrying about keeping myself together."

"Thinking is quite useful when there is somethign to ponder. but defensive thinking just makes us feel cut off."

"The defense is what hurts. (...) In our misguided attempts to become more self-assured, we tend to build up our defenses even more, rather than disentagnling ourselves from them. "

"We do not have to cure every neurosis, we just have to learn how not to be caught by them."

"I did not need to be infallible to get home, I realized. Nor did I always have to be in control. The retreat /had/ changed something in my mind. Retaining a sense of expansiveness toward things instead of the usual contraction, I felt a spirit of generosity toward myself. Things did not have to be perfect for me to be okay, it seemed."

"When we seek happiness through accumulation, either outside of ourselves-- from other people, relationships, or material goods-- or from our own self-development, we ar emissing the essential point. In either case we are trying to find completion. But according to buddhism, such a strategy is doomed. Completion comes not from adding another piece to ourselves but from surrendering our ideas of perfection. "

"I began to think there was something awesome about my timing. How was it that, at the exact moment of my stopping, such incredible things were happening? It took me longer than I am prepared to admit to realize tht such things were /always/ happening. It was only that I was finally paying attention. "

I had awareness of just how unimportant my efforts to understand myself were. Relaxing my mind into its own deeper nature, as I was doing spontaneiously when I interrupted my walk, I could reach beyong my personality into somethign more open.


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